Many parents ask how to approach their child's coach or otherwise deal with a problem involving the coach. Sometimes the problem is just with the one child and the coach, other times is involves several athletes. The major concern seems to be how to discuss this problem with the coach without creating problems for the child, such as retribution from the coach. Hopefully your child's coach held a preseason meeting with all the team athletes and their parents. During this meeting the coach should have discussed his or her coaching philosophy and coaching methods, among other things. This information should help you understand why your child's coaches are doing many of the things they are doing.

Occasionally, however, issues or questions may arise during the season that you might feel need to be addressed by the coach. The most common issue seems to be the perception that a child is not getting enough playing time. Other issues raised include the coaches playing their own, less skilled children ahead of other more skilled children on the team, coaches who curse and are otherwise verbally abusive of the children, coaches who can not or do not teach the skills needed to play the sport, and coaches who make promises to kids but fail to follow through on these. The Sport Parent (Human Kinetics Publishers, 1994) also lists as possible problems: being subjected to too much pressure, receiving only criticism from the coach for mistakes rather than encouragement, being made fun of by peers with no response from the coach, and being injured and not properly attended to.

What should you do when one or more of these (or other) problems seem to be occurring? First, you need to determine if it is a real problem. Your child may be to best indicator of this. Does your child dread going to practices or games? Has your child talked about dropping out without expressing any particular reason? Does your child frequently come home from practices unhappy? You need to talk to your child and try to determine what the actual problem seems to be from their perspective. Remember, they may be reluctant to talk about it because they are afraid of what might happen if you go to talk to the coach. You should also try to attend few practices and contests to observe to determine what is actually going on. The problem might not be with the coach.

If you believe that there is a problem with the coach you should talk to him or her. If the problem involves more than one athlete, the parents of the other athletes should be included in the discussions with the coach. Make an appointment to meet with the coach, but not at practices or games. Explain the problem to the coach and ask for the coach's perspective on the situation. Listen carefully to the coach's response. Discuss any differences between your perspective and the coach's viewpoint. Try to come to an agreement about how the problem will be resolved. If you and the coach are unable to resolve the problem, you may have to take the problem to the league or organization's administrator. In any of these meetings you must control your emotions and maintain a positive approach. You are trying to improve the youth sports experience for your child and the rest of the team too.

If you have spent a lot of time as a youth sport parent during the past year, you probably feel a bit battered and bruised right now. It seems that everyone is ready to blame "out-of-control parents" for all the ills of youth sports. We are the crazy ones screaming on the sidelines, abusing the kids, yelling at the officials, and displaying poor sportsmanship. What's a parent to do?

One piece of advice that is handed out regularly to parents is to "set a good example" for our children. And most parents I know DO try to be positive and to encourage to our children as they climb the competitive sports ladder. But I have discovered that in order to have a positive influence on those around us, including children and other parents, we need to do more than just clap and cheer for our kids.

Here are five things you can do that will really show your children (and other parents) what being "a good sport" is really all about:

1. Cheer for all the children, even those on the other team

This may seem a bit radical, but I have seen what a surprising difference it can make on the sidelines and in the stands when parents make an effort to applaud a good effort or a fine play - no matter whom makes it. If you focus obsessively on your own child at a sporting event you are giving a clear signal that you don't really care about the team or the event - you just care about your son or daughter. By contrast, parents who shout and cheer for all the children set a great example for the kids, by sending the message that youth sports are about giving one's best effort and enjoying the game, not about winning and losing.

2. Thank the officials

If you find a few moments to compliment the officials for their hard work after a game (especially if your child's team loses) you will be rewarded with the pleasure of seeing a surprised smile in return. Youth sport officials tell me that such positive feedback, rare as it often is, goes a long way in motivating them to stick with their volunteer work and keeps them going through the bad times. All too often the only words a volunteer official hears (and remember, these are often young people themselves), are harsh words of criticism such as "you blew the call," "get some glasses," or even "you're ruining the game ump." Make sure that the officials for your child's game always hear at least one parent thanking them after every game: you! If you keep it up, your example is sure to spread to other parents on your team.

3. Talk to parents of the other team: they're not the enemy

Last year I attended a state championship baseball playoff game for under-11 boys. The winner would advance to the league's state final. After regulation play, the game was tied. The tension in the stands among the parents kept rising as each extra inning passed. Mothers would cover their eyes as their sons came to the plate, or hold hands tightly with the parents sitting next to them. Finally, in the bottom of the 10th, the home team broke through and scored the decisive run.

There was more relief than jubilation from the parents of the winning team. Naturally, the parents of the other team sat in stunned silence. Then, one of the parents on the winning side went over to the parents of the losing team and began shaking hands with them, telling them what an exceptional and competitive game their sons had played. I watched closely and noticed smiles break out on the faces of these parents, saw their shoulders lift and their energy return at this simple gesture from a member of "the enemy."

Sometimes we get so caught up in an in-town rivalry, or a big match against another school, that we forget that the other team is really just like our kids. Their parents care about their children just as much as we do. Showing our children that we can interact with parents from the other team in a friendly manner sets a good example for them to congratulate or commiserate with the other team after every match.

4. Be a parent, not a coach: resist the urge to critique

Some of the young athletes I work with tell me that they dread the ride home with their parents after a game or match. That's because, win or lose, they know their parent will go over their performance in detail, pointing out all their mistakes. Typical is Susan, a 12-year-old gymnast, who sat in my office recently with tears rolling down her face as she recounted her father's reaction to her most recent competitive performance at a gymnastics meet in Pennsylvania. On the four-hour drive home, her father, Dennis, went over her routine in excruciating detail, listing all the errors she made. He wasn't angry, he didn't yell. In fact, I am sure he had the best of intentions: he just wanted her to know how she could improve.

The problem, of course, was that Susan already knew each and every error her father pointed out, and also recognized some additional missteps and faults that he hadn't listed. She didn't need him to remind her of the obvious. Dennis mistook her quiet stoicism in the face of a poor performance for a lack of caring. The fact was that Susan cared a great deal about gymnastics and hated to do poorly at important meets. The resulting resentment and miscommunications lead to Susan quitting gymnastics, which was unfortunate and unnecessary.

The urge to critique a child's performance is very natural for parents. Yet many of the most successful athletes I work share something in common: their parents' lack of criticism of their sporting performance. "They just wanted me to play and have fun," is a typical comment from an Olympic basketball player. Another told me "Mom and Dad never had much say in how I played. They left that to the coach. But I knew they were always there for me, no matter how I did." Sometimes just being there shows your children what being a good parent is all about.

5. Stay Physically Active

You will probably not be shocked to learn that your child learns more from observing you than anyone else. If you strongly encourage your child to participate in a sport, but aren't physically active yourself, you are sending a mixed message. How can we expect our children to grow up to be active and healthy adults if we ourselves are couch potatoes?

The psychological advantages for parents to remain actively involved in sports and physical activities while their children participate in sports are many. It promotes an outer-directedness that helps parents look beyond their child and see the big picture. Being emotionally involved in your own sport helps avoid spoiling your child with attention. It is difficult to be very critical of your child's progress in a sport if you are constantly being confronted by how difficult it is to move forward in your own sport. I know that, since I have taken up golf, I have gained tremendous appreciation for how difficult it is for any child to learn the complex motor and cognitive skills of a sport. This gives me more patience for helping my children learn their sports.

In fact, I think the best sport programs of the future will be those that include the whole family. What better way for children to learn to have fun and enjoy sports than by sharing activities with their parents, siblings and friends?

What is ODP?

The US Youth Soccer Olympic Development Program, or ODP as it is more commonly called, is a national identification and development program for high-level players. The program identifies and develops youth players throughout the country to represent their state association, region and the United States in soccer competition.

ODP teams are formed at the state association and regional levels, made up of the best players in various age groups. At the state association level, pools of players are identified in each eligible age group, brought together as a team to develop their skill through training and competition. From the state pools and subsequent teams, players are identified for regional and national pools and teams.

What are the Goals of ODP?

1. To identify a pool of players in each age group from which a United States National Team will be selected for international competition.

2. To provide high level training to benefit and enhance the development of players at all levels.

3. Through the use of carefully selected licensed coaches, develop a mechanism for the enhancement of ideas and curriculum to improve all levels of coaching.

Who is Eligible?

Any soccer player is eligible for consideration in the ODP provided that he or she meets the age requirements for the established age group. A player may try out in a state association in which he or she is eligible to be registered. A player may not try out for the ODP in more than one state association.

Tryouts are conducted at various times of the year. Interested players should contact their state association for dates and details. If you do not know your state association's telephone number, simply call 1-800-4SOCCER and the US YOUTH SOCCER National Office will be happy to provide you with that number.

How are Players Selected?

Players are selected, in most states, on the basis of open tryouts. These tryouts are conducted by the state association coaches who are recognized for their ability to identify and train players with superior skills. Some state associations combine scouting techniques and invitations to certain players with the open tryouts.

Selection of these players is not an easy task. The state association head coach or State Coach will, in most cases, be assisted in the selection process by several other qualified coaches from the club or league level. Players are evaluated on four components that make up a soccer player:

1. technique

2. tactics

3. fitness and athletic ability

4. psychological component (attitude)

What do ODP Players do?

Upon selection, a state association ODP player is expected to participate in all activities of their team. These activities may include exhibition matches, invitational tournaments and sub-regional and regional camps. If players are not available for a specific event, they may be replaced by another player from their pool.

Players are expected to take their participation in the program seriously, and should be committed to improving their individual skills as well as improving as a team player. Players are subject to the ODP Code of Conduct upon entry into the program at the state association level.

What are Regional Camps?

US Youth Soccer is divided into four regions, each of which offers a regional camp for state association ODP teams in each eligible age group. The camps are designed to provide high level competition and training for participating players. During this training and competition, players who are capable of performing at a higher level of play are identified for possible national camp, or pool or team participation.

Each region varies somewhat as to the specifics and the cost of their camps. Your state association or regional administrator should be contacted for more information. Again, if you do not have those numbers, contact the National Office.

What is a National Camp?

National Camps and Interregional events are held throughout the year at various locations in the United States. The National Team Coach or a National Staff Coach is present at these events to observe, train and identify players for placement in the national pool or on a national team.

What are the Benefits of Participating in ODP?

1. Development as a player. The opportunity to train and play with the best players in one's age group.

2. Quality instruction from nationally licensed coaches.

3. Quality competition. Games against other state association ODP teams.

4. Exposure to regional and national team coaches.

5. The opportunity to represent one's state, region or country in competition.

6. Exposure to college coaches.

In recent years, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of children participating in sports. They have the opportunity to play a wide variety of sports at many different levels depending on their available time and money and playing ability. When deciding which team(s) to join, both the parent and child must consider level of commitment they are willing and able to devote. Some teams may practice only once a week while other teams practice as much as five or six times a week. 

When a parent allows their child to participate on a team, they must realize that they are responsible for providing a means for the child to get to and from practice. This may even mean that the parent will become a “taxi service” because, often times, children have no other means of getting to and from their activities.

Not only is it the parent’s responsibility of driving their child to and from practice, but parents also must teach their children the importance of making a full commitment. Since children are greatly influenced by parents and learn by example, the parent needs to see that the child attends all practices on time, even if it means limiting the child’s activities to what they or the child can handle. Obviously, there will be the occasional, unavoidable circumstance when the child must miss or be late, but in that case the child will learn to deal with those situations properly, such as informing the coach in advance or sending a message via another parent. If the parent causes or allows the tardiness and/or absenteeism to occur, the child learns that this behavior is acceptable. 

Unfortunately, there does seem to be an increasing number of players missing or arriving late to practice without prior notice. Whether it is due to the parent’s hectic schedule, the child’s numerous commitments, or the child and/or parent’s poor time management skills, many people are affected. A coach plans a practice session that incorporates a certain number of people. When a number of players show up really late or not at all, it creates a difficult situation for the coach, and the plans must quickly be altered. Since practices usually only last for 60 to 90 minutes, the team only left with a little bit of time to work together once everyone does arrive. 

Being late is not only discourteous to the coach, but it is inconsiderate those responsible players who want to make a full commitment. In order for these players to improve as a team as well as individuals, they rely on the others to be there ready to go. What is sad is that these players who tend to continually skip or arrive late probably made the team over a player who would have given anything to be at all of the practices and be a part of that team. 

What is even worse is that often times, these players have no control over their tardiness, yet despise being late. When it is the fault of the parent, the child may be quite embarrassed by arriving late all of the time. There is not much a child can do about the parent who is consistently late, so somebody else must intervene and make the parent aware of the distress it may cause the child. 

In conclusion, tardiness is a problem with some teams. Parents need to realize when their child is consistently late and not cause or allow it to occur. This unreliable behavior will most likely carry over into other events in life, such as school, clubs, organizations, and more importantly future jobs if it is continually permitted at a  younger age.

Practicing at home is an important part of your child's development. Many youth sports do not have much quality practice time, so it is important for the child to receive a little extra guidance in his or her sport.

When I participated in little league baseball, my dad would insist that I go out in the yard with him and work on my pitching on a regular basis. I may have improved, but I resented throwing with him then because I felt like I had to do it. One day my dad was frustrated and told me that he would only throw with me if I asked him to. I enjoyed the two days off and then decided I liked the extra practice, but did not want it to be mandatory.

The importance of extra practice can be summed up in the following points: let your child know that you are available, emphasize the importance of hard work, do not overdo practices, make sure your child stays open to other coaches, and make it fun for you and your child.

Let your child know you are available: it is important for your child to know that you want to be involved in his or her activities. Giving your child the option of extra practice is a great opportunity for quality time and skill development.

Emphasize the importance of hard work: let your child know that improvement comes from practice. Your child will see the benefits of his or her practice and the need and the desire for practice will be reinforced.

Do not overdo practices with your child: make your child understand that you are there for them and when they have had enough then the practice is over Do not set a time frame on this practice because even the shortest workout can be beneficial for your child.

Make sure your child stays open to other coaches: do not let your child think you are the only person who knows about his or her sport. Let them know that they can learn a lot of different things from a lot of different people. It is important for children to learn what works for them.

Make practice fun for you and your child: do not make this practice a time for constant instruction. Positive reinforcement is the key for this to work. Remember that your child came to you and you are there for his or her benefit.

Practicing at home can be a wonderful experience for your child. With some of the questionable role models in sports today, parental guidance is a valuable tool that should be used. The rewards of quality time, athletic development, and the relationship between you and your child exceed any trophy or medal in athletics.

Here are some practical tips on dealing with cold weather.

·      Stay hydrated. Even when it's cold, you sweat and lose fluid. You must replace it.

·      Do a proper warm-up. Peak performance requires that your muscles must be warmed up. This can be hard to achieve in cold weather. So the warm up may have to be more intense and/or longer than in hot weather. Also, stay in your warm-up clothes until you are warmed up. If you are entering the game from the bench, be sure to warm up completely before you go in.

·      Stretch adequately before and after playing.

·      Wear appropriate clothing. Don't overdress. Use layers with the innermost layer of materials that can carry moisture away from your body. If it's really cold, wear a hat. Even picky referees will allow hats on cold days--especially if the whole team has the same color hat. Same goes for gloves. When you come out of the game and at half time, cover up and stay warm.

·      Watch out for the wind. The wind can make the cold much worse.

·      Be aware of the dangers of frostbite and prevent it.

·      Be aware of post-exercise hypothermia. It can develop rapidly after exercise because heat production has ceased and heat loss due to sweating is still high. Get covered up, get into a warm place, and replace fluids to avoid hypothermia. Finally get into dry clothing as soon as possible.